Motherhood: Part 1

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I wrote a letter to a lovely friend of mine this morning, and realized it would be perfect for this blog: a concise description of my first five months with Little Bean.

When Little Bean first arrived, everything was fresh, new, raw and absolutely exhausting. I remember at times during that first week or two, I wondered if I was going to make it. I thought I might dry up and fall apart into dust. It was definitely not a sustainable way to be, to live. But, each day did get a little bit better, and before I knew it, six weeks had past and my iron levels, and subsequently my energy, returned to normal. I think my healing in that time was immense (physically, spiritually, etc. the works!), but also it was so intense learning how to be with this new little human. The first period is like becoming a baby again yourself - everything new, with the learning curve so steep you need climbing gear.

Now, suddenly, it's five months later and we've all worked ourselves into a lovely groove, but still learning, adapting, and watching each other change. I'm sure finding our new community and settling down has helped both Little Bean and me, and the rest of our little clan too.

When Little Bean was born, we were in a new, temporary space, which was a bit unsettling. We moved in three or four weeks before he was born, and had been somewhat 'homeless' for the previous six months. I hope never to do that again (while being pregnant). I would advise any new mom to have somewhere very comfortable to give birth; a place you know, a place just for you, surrounded by the comforts you have developed over the time of being pregnant. This wasn't the case for me, anyway. Sometimes I think it was meant to be so that I could leave that space with Ira and "forget" about how hard it was to give birth to him. To move on and start fresh. And conversely, sometimes, I think that place and our temporary status had something to do with how hard it was to give birth to Little Bean. Maybe he didn't want to leave his cushy, warm, waterbed lifestyle and enter this cold, strange space? I wouldn't either.

The day after Little Bean was born, Papa Bean got offered a temporary job located nearly two-hours drive south of our new home. Talk about shitty timing! So, he spent one week with us and then he spent four days working south of us, every week after that. Weekends went by far too quickly, and every time he left for another work week, I cried a lot. Good thing for family there to help me through. Whew!.... And then suddenly, it was a month and a half later and we decided living in separate places was stupid. Really stupid. So, even though Papa Bean's job was still classified as temporary, Little Bean and I moved down to be with him, and a few weeks later, he was re-offered the job with a permanent status. Smart move, and sweet result.

And now, as Little Bean has just turned five months old, we have bought a house, Papa Bean's work is going well, I'm meeting lots of friends (moms and babies), and this place feels like home...

We have finally settled down... for a while.