Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Glue them shut

It is kind of interesting, this whole tired mama thing. It makes everything slow down and simmer a bit longer. I will be totally fine, and I know this too shall pass, but in the immediate moment, I wish my eyelids were glued shut.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Cracks Let the Light In

I've had a rough couple of days. I actually broke down crying twice in the past 24 hours. The Little Bean is not sleeping well, and so neither am I. I think my body is just tired of not sleeping well for the past year. My tears felt like grief for lost sleep, time by myself, and whatever else I've pushed aside to be his mom. I'm normally okay with all this, but it's been coming to a head, and when I'm tired and then more tired, I just feel like I can't keep it together.

In the middle of my leaky breakdown, wrapped in my hand-knit blanket, laying huddled on the floor, I remembered Leonard Cohen's lyric: "There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." I think I just let more light in.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

If I change my posture, will it change my life?

My body tells me I've been slouching too much lately: aching thoracic back, tension where my neck joins my head, compression in my belly, rapid and shallow breath, tightness in my buttocks and hamstrings. It's a slippery slope, this slouching thing. It starts out slow, and then suddenly I'm scooped down looking like the 'Before' picture below.

During my yoga practices of late, I've contemplated attempting the anti-slouch. Basically, every time I notice that I'm slouching (while standing, sitting, walking, breastfeeding, etc.), I will rise up to the occasion and grow long. That's it. I just raise everything a little bit like an imaginary string from the top of my head is being pulled taught. It's amazing how quickly that shift makes me feel better.

So, I'm wondering if I change my posture, will it change my life? Will I guard my heart less, be open to new adventures, breath more deeply, reach into the depths of my being and come out with confidence, openness, and lightness? Will I release some of my grip on fear and move ahead with some of my ideas and ventures? Will I let go of the slouch and allow my body to relax into the balanced, strong, flexible being that I naturally want to be? Ooooh, it sounds so juicy, I am eager to give this a try!

This reminds me of a wonderful catch phrase in yoga, "Get grounded, grow long." Thanks Brahmani and Jashoda!

Friday, March 16, 2012

Fill 'er up!

This is the quinoa plant... Yum.

For a little guy who decided he would like to wait until nearly one full year before transitioning from all-milk-all-the-time to a bit of solid food here and there, he's sure picking up the brownie points from us in the department known as "What He Will Eat".

Little Bean's a big fan of the homemade apple sauce (our main go-to for the quick and dirty meal). He'll also down bananas and apples and the odd Nutrio (a cheerio without all the salt and sugar = tastes like cardboard) and some other random veggies and fruits.

Here's the exciting part: Now we can add quinoa to the list! He's currently gobbling it up with his own fingers. I thought it would be too much like rice (which he won't currently eat), but I guess it's that nutty flavour that he can't resist!

But can he use chopsticks to eat this quinoa? This has yet to be determined. I'm guessing he'll inherit his mama's ambidextrous and super-dexterous appendages and he'll win the state champs one day. (Note: If there isn't a state championship on chopstick quinoa eating, there should be).

On the food front, he's also a fan of black beans (whole), garbanzo beans (whole), and lentils. He's beefin' up on the protein in anticipation of walking soon.

Using the words of Little Bean, "Boom!"

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Song For You

A warm and generous 'thank you' to Alexi Murdoch for so eloquently putting into words how I feel sometimes. The lyrics to "Song For You" swirl within me and relate in many ways to this past year.

So today I wrote a song for you
Cause a day can get so long
And I know its hard to make it through
When you say there's something wrong

So I'm trying to put it right

Cause I want to love you with my heart
All this trying has made me tight
And I don't know even where to start

Maybe that's a start

Cause you know its a simple
That you play filling up your head with rain
And you know you are hiding from your pain
In the way, in the way you say your name

And I see you

Hiding your face in your hands
Flying so you won't land
You think no one understands
No one understands

So you hunch your shoulders and you shake your head

And your throat is aching but you swear
No one hurts you, nothing could be sad
Anyway you're not here enough to care

And you're so tired you don't sleep at night

As your heart is trying to mend
You keep it quiet but you think you might
Disappear before the end

And it's strange that you cannot find

Any strength to even try
To find a voice to speak your mind
When you do, all you wanna do is cry

Well maybe you should cry

And I see you hiding your face in your hands

Talking bout far-away lands
You think no one understands
Listen to my hands

And all of this
Moves around you
For all that you claim
You're standing still
You are moving too
You are moving too
You are moving too
I will move you