It just came to me

What do you do when you have a lot of fresh raspberries (with too many already frozen in the freezer) and a bunch of spotty bananas? Why, you make a banana raspberry loaf!

I made the best of bridge banana bread recipe, but changed it a bit.... Coconut on the bottom of the buttered pan (thanks for that tip, AK). I halved the sugar, added some vanilla and molasses (a teaspoon each), and used 1/4 cup of quinoa flour (only because I ran out of unbleached flour). And then, the raspberries: I put half the batter in the pan, then put fresh raspberries over top and then covered them up with the remaining batter. Pretty delish, I'd say. Only problem is that a whole layer of raspberries doesn't bode well for the structural integrity of the loaf for either coming out of the pan or getting sliced up. Oh well, it still tastes good.

This was a success in terms of looking for things to put in banana bread other than chocolate chips. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE chocolate chips, but Hershey's is likely not at all considerate to fair trade or organic processes, and I swear they are laced with coke because they are so addictive. So, I buy the uber expensive Camino chips only for special occasions. Today? Not a special occasion. Happy Raspberry Wednesday!

Motherhood: Part 1

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I wrote a letter to a lovely friend of mine this morning, and realized it would be perfect for this blog: a concise description of my first five months with Little Bean.

When Little Bean first arrived, everything was fresh, new, raw and absolutely exhausting. I remember at times during that first week or two, I wondered if I was going to make it. I thought I might dry up and fall apart into dust. It was definitely not a sustainable way to be, to live. But, each day did get a little bit better, and before I knew it, six weeks had past and my iron levels, and subsequently my energy, returned to normal. I think my healing in that time was immense (physically, spiritually, etc. the works!), but also it was so intense learning how to be with this new little human. The first period is like becoming a baby again yourself - everything new, with the learning curve so steep you need climbing gear.

Now, suddenly, it's five months later and we've all worked ourselves into a lovely groove, but still learning, adapting, and watching each other change. I'm sure finding our new community and settling down has helped both Little Bean and me, and the rest of our little clan too.

When Little Bean was born, we were in a new, temporary space, which was a bit unsettling. We moved in three or four weeks before he was born, and had been somewhat 'homeless' for the previous six months. I hope never to do that again (while being pregnant). I would advise any new mom to have somewhere very comfortable to give birth; a place you know, a place just for you, surrounded by the comforts you have developed over the time of being pregnant. This wasn't the case for me, anyway. Sometimes I think it was meant to be so that I could leave that space with Ira and "forget" about how hard it was to give birth to him. To move on and start fresh. And conversely, sometimes, I think that place and our temporary status had something to do with how hard it was to give birth to Little Bean. Maybe he didn't want to leave his cushy, warm, waterbed lifestyle and enter this cold, strange space? I wouldn't either.

The day after Little Bean was born, Papa Bean got offered a temporary job located nearly two-hours drive south of our new home. Talk about shitty timing! So, he spent one week with us and then he spent four days working south of us, every week after that. Weekends went by far too quickly, and every time he left for another work week, I cried a lot. Good thing for family there to help me through. Whew!.... And then suddenly, it was a month and a half later and we decided living in separate places was stupid. Really stupid. So, even though Papa Bean's job was still classified as temporary, Little Bean and I moved down to be with him, and a few weeks later, he was re-offered the job with a permanent status. Smart move, and sweet result.

And now, as Little Bean has just turned five months old, we have bought a house, Papa Bean's work is going well, I'm meeting lots of friends (moms and babies), and this place feels like home...

We have finally settled down... for a while.

There's a first time for everything

These handkerchiefs are much nicer than ours...

Little Bean's first cold has been caught and the effects are here: snotty, dribbling nose, sneezes, coughs, and leaky eyes. It's kind of amazing. I know that's not the first descriptive word that most people would come up with to describe the common cold, but it's true. It's fascinating that someone so small can have exactly the same kind of physical 'hardships' as I do when I get a cold. He seems to be dealing with it fairly well, except he doesn't like it much when I wipe his nose with the handkerchief tied to my waist (for easy and frequent access).

Maybe cake-batter-smelling barf indicates a coming cold? I'll keep it under advisement.

Cake Batter

"Little Bean, your barf smells like cake batter."

I actually said that out loud, mere minutes ago. Lately, I find there are a lot of things that just come out of my mouth that would make fantastic t-shirt designs.

Like Old Times

The visit from my family this weekend reminded me of old times when we were camping as kids, but with Baileys in our coffee! Such a lovely time spent being together, not having to do much, just being.

Giving it back

So, last night I was doing a bit of yoga in my living room. My favourite thing to do is let my body move spontaneously, as it wishes, as it needs, with little to no control or judgement from my ego brain. It's always amazing, and last night was no exception.

Somewhere in the midst of my yogic movement session, I began to move my hands in a way that felt like I was scooping the earth from below and pouring it down on top of me, literally swallowing it as it flowed. That materialized into a flow of movement where my hands were guiding the energetic womb from Ira back out to the universe. It was like it was okay for me to release it; it could go back "out there" for someone else to use.

Today, I feel lighter. And my old pre-preggo pants fit.

What did you say?

Little Bean has been voicing it up lately. Not saying anything we can comprehend, but making a real good effort at making some new noises. High ones. Low ones. Slobbery ones. He's also taken to blowing raspberries. So cute!

When I saw his horoscope online, I laughed at the irony:

Aquarius: You really need to tell your stories. It's not just a good idea; it's downright urgent. There's a backlog of unexpressed narratives clogging up your depths. It's like you have become too big of a secret to the world. The unvented pressure is building up, threatening to implode. So please find a graceful way to share the narratives that are smoldering inside you -- with the emphasis on the word "graceful." I don't want your tales to suddenly erupt like a volcano all over everything at the wrong time and place. You need a receptive audience and the proper setting.